Alison Lawrence Sugar Cookies

These are Alison Lawrence Sugar Cookies. I first made them December 2003 with Alison and Anthony. Alison and I both enjoy baking and it isn't really Christmas without sugar cookies, right? Alison, Anthony and I assembled in the basement kitchen of our dorm to bake these cookies. The recipe yields 5 dozen large, round cookies. We were using cookie cutters so it made even more.

We spent the entire afternoon in the dorm kitchen baking on borrowed cookies sheets, taking cookies out of the oven, putting more in and making mounds of powdered sugar icing. We let Anthony use the food coloring so our Christmas trees were neon purple and our bells were hot pink. We turned up music up and danced around the kitchen. Eventually we got bored with decorating and started sprinkling them with colored sugar before we baked them. It was actually, if there is such a thing, too many cookies. We spent the next few days giving Christmas cookies to everyone we knew. It was a desperate attempt to spread Christmas cheer and get rid cookies.

We continued this tradition every year afterwards. A few years ago, Alison and I got together to bake. I was very pregnant and we both admitted that we just didn't really feel like baking. But we told everyone that we had. Because we had to, it was a tradition.

When I first baked these bookies eleven years ago with my friends I never imagined that I would be baking them with my own son. We made these yesterday for his class party at school. Who knew this special sugar cookie recipe with sour cream and nutmeg would have such staying power? Who knew it would become such an important fixture in my life? It all started with dancing in the dorm kitchen.

I dance every time I make them.

New Theme Song

She took my heart. I don’t know how it happened.
We took the floor and she said

[Chorus]
"Oh don’t you dare look back.
Just keep your eyes on me."
I said, "You’re holding back."
She said, “Shut up and dance with me.”
This woman is my destiny.
She said, “Oooooh, shut up and dance with me.”

"Shut Up And Dance With Me" by Walk the Moon

This also might be new my life philosophy.

Don't you dare look back. Shut up and dance with me. It's an invitation into the dance, bringing people in. Don't worry about the past. Come dance with me. Don't worry about looking silly. Don't worry about the past.  I said, don't worry about the past. Dance. Stop thinking. Stop talking. Dance with me. Take my hand. Join me. You know this dance. You've always known this dance. Now, rock it!

Don't you dare look back. Just keep your eyes on me. Shut up and dance with me.

Word Count

I'm working the parallel plot lines and things are happening. I have 25,000 words, which in NaNo Land would be halfway but since I'm aiming for a real length with the sequel it's not even close. But! It's words on the page. Words on the page is the hardest battle.
Yesterday I read a blog post by a writer who keeps track of every single word he writes in a spreadsheet. He's written a million words this year. How motivating! I love word counts but I hadn't thought of having a running word count that included every project. I need that. I'm starting that today.
 And with minimal effort I've already written 114 words today! Bam! 115!

Stuck

The plan is not working. I got stuck with Beatrice. Things were happening too quickly. I needed more tension, more material. And Aster, a character I thought would show up in book 3 was bright in my mind, like sunshine blinding me.

I thought,
Maybe it's not two more books. Maybe it's just one. Maybe Aster is in this one.

So I started writing parallel plots with Beatrice and Aster. But things still happened too fast. The path feels too straight. I need to make a list of the top ten worst things that can happen to these characters and then do that. Maybe.

I thought,
I know what I need! More parallel plot lines.

So I added Peter, who is a Jasper Industries drone. But he's boring and, once again, things happened too quickly. I need a little teeny bit of establishing stakes and story conflict setup. And yet, I try so hard to start at the beginning. It's a balancing act.

I thought,
I know! I need to fill out a Basic Beat Sheet. That will focus me.

So I tried to do that but I realized with three parallel plot lines I essentially needed to fill out the worksheet three times. Then I mentally cried for a while.

I'm still not entirely sure where this is going. And even my super rough pantser outline is falling apart. Characters that I thought would become a couple aren't very compatible. And my new NaNoWriMo idea keeps butting in.

I'm a little lost. Usually it's easier than this to find my way out. This time, I can't even seem to find my way in.

I May Have Lost My Mind

Okay, so I didn't really mean to start writing the Baker's sequel. It just happened.

I'm still working on Miraculous Conception. I did mean to take a little break from Miraculous. I need a little space from the manuscript so I can see it with new eyes before I get into rewrites. I also need a little space from it so that I haven't memorized and fallen in love with every word on the page so I can hear what my betas have to say without dying inside. 

I meant to take a break on this book but I didn't mean to write another one. But, like they do, the words just showed up. And I just wrote them down. I thought, "Okay, I have the opening scene. But that's all I'm going to write." And then more words showed up and I wrote those down, too. Now I just can't stop.

I thought I might save the sequel for NaNoWriMo but I've completely lost my mind and instead I'm thinking that I'll write a first draft of book 2 during these two months I gave the betas to work on Miraculous. And then for NaNoWriMo I can hammer out book 3.

Is this the worst idea I've ever had or 
THE BEST IDEA IN THE HISTORY OF IDEAS!?!?!

Part of my mania is fueled by the fact that for the 3 days The Baker's Memory was free on Kindle there were 834 downloads. Normally the scale of my royalty reports is one to five. It took me a moment to realize that the scale was in hundreds. Hundreds.

834 downloads in 3 days. 

That's a lot of new readers. A lot of new readers who need a sequel.

The Baker's Memory Sequel

Pretty much the moment the first person finished reading The Baker's Memory they asked me if there would be a sequel. I said, "Well, I think I shut the door on that one." Or I'd tell people that I always imagined it as a stand alone book. Or, if you were really lucky I went into a rant about how I hate series. If you read one book, you're really committing to reading 7 books. I really hate series that you read while they're being written because you have to wait. Sometimes the time between books is excruciating and sometimes you're not even interested in them anymore but you're committed because you read one so you keep reading them. And, if the series is long enough, you end up with those bridge books that just set up the next book and you feel cheated.

But then Husband finished the book and said, "You have to write a sequel."

I said, "No. I shut the door on that option. Plus, I hate series."

He said, "You have to write a sequel and here's how you can do it."

Interestingly, he had a different interpretation of some key events as well as a different timeline in his head. And you know what? In his interpretation and with his timeline a sequel is completely possible.

So I said, "Fine, but it's still not a series. It'll just be two books."

I started working on a story about Beatrice, the woman from the epilogue. But the more I thought about Bea, the more it became clear to me that there had to be at least three books. There was too much for just two books. I was already seeing things beyond Bea. In fact, I was already thinking about Elle in book three who is covered in botanical tattoos and then I spent way too long on Pinterest looking at black and white botanical tattoos, which totally counts as writing.

What I'm trying to say is this:

There will be at least two more books in the Baker's series. 

Yellow Legal Pad Encouragement

 My across the street neighbor moved away a few days ago. We spent tons of time together and her whole family will be greatly missed. Little Guy has already announced that he's going to move into their new purple house with them. (The house isn't really purple.)

Before she left, my friend left me this. Yes, that's a 6-pack of yellow legal pads. My favorite. Seriously. I love yellow legal pads in a way that you probably shouldn't love office supplies. She knew about my passion.

Even bigger than the yellow legal pads themselves was the note she wrote.

 Emily, 
Please don't ever stop writing! I hope these legal pads will come in handy. (So you can forgo the napkins!) We will miss you a great deal. 
Love, Steph & family 

"

Wanted: Beta Readers

Seeking beta readers for a science fiction novel with religious themes. There might be magical monks and theology libraries.

What is a beta reader?
A beta reader is someone brave enough and kind enough to read a still crappy first draft and willing to give constructive, un-soul-crushing feedback.

Examples:

• What's working? What isn't? 
• Does the plot make any sense at all? 
• Where do I need more description? 
• Does the male protagonist sound like a man? 
• Do the two voices sound different enough? 
• Where are the plot holes? 
• Are their problems with continuity? 
• How bad is the theology?
• Call me out if it's the exact same story arc as The Baker's Memory

Requirements:

• Applicants must like me as a person and not seek to crush my soul 
• Must be proficient with Word and be able to write specific comments
• Must be able to complete assignment within 2 months
• Especially seeking beta readers who identify as male for help with the male character who still "sounds like a girl" according to one male beta reader

Compensation:

• Baked goods. Lots of baked goods
• My undying love
• Credit in the acknowledgements
• Reciprocation for any writing, editing work etc.

Sitting on Writing

 

I haven't updated in a while. Because our internet has been ruining my life wasn't working. And we went out of town for a while. And it's summer so I'm feeling lazy. And sometimes thinking about all the writer platform stuff I'm not doing is so overwhelming that it becomes paralyzing and I just throw my hands up.

I carry three writing notebooks with me at all times. The purple one is for quotes. I've been keeping a quote book since freshman year of high school. The striped one is for writing. The pink one is for things like "BAKE MUFFINS TOMORROW." Most of the time I end up scrawling song lyrics, hoping to find the song later. That's what most of that sheet is covered with. However, it also says,

Oblivion closet hula hoops.

I recently went through my notebooks mining for gold and I found 

Oblivion closet hula hoops

And I thought, "What in the world does that mean?" 

I don't even understand my own weird shorthand.  For a few days I laughed at myself, completely perplexed by those four words. But then I remembered. They were from a scene in the spiritual memoir. 

At some point in our lives we all live in closets and they may feel safe or at least safer than what lies on the other side of the door but I’m here to tell you that no matter what your walls are made of, a closet is no place for a person to live…We know it’s hard but we need you out here.
-Ash Beckham, “Coming out of your closet”, TEDX Boulder

I was hiding from myself in Tom’s bedroom.
And maybe from God.

After a few months we mutually agreed that it wasn’t working out. It was the simplest, least painful break up I’d ever experienced. After we broke up we became better friends. I stepped out of the closet that I’d built for myself out of Tom’s arms. I opened the door, squinting in the sunshine, feeling exposed in the bright light. I couldn’t stand being in the light. It was too hard. I quickly replaced that closet with walls made of hula hoops and badminton nets, roller skates and pints of beer. I went to hide at the Fun Vortex with Ben. 

The memoir has just become this thing I'm sitting on. It's like one of those wood bead seat covers. I can't decide if it's a good thing to sit on. Is it the best thing ever or is it awful? How long can I sit on this? If I decide to stop sitting on it, what do I do with it? Was this made for sitting on or does it have some hidden purpose? 

Oblivion closet hula hoops

   
    

Benchmarks

 

I hit over 50,000 words in the first draft of Miraculous Conception. I feel like a rock star. Usually I need the help of NaNoWriMo to get that many words on the page. And actually, I probably should still give some credit to NaNoWriMo. This was a failed NaNoWriMo project one year. I wrote about 25,000 words. But I was super pregnant and my in-laws were in town for a long time. I choose to spend time with them instead of writing the ending of a book when I didn't know how it ended. 

But now I know. 

I'm getting so excited about this book. And I'm making insanely great progress. 

I keep showing up and the words keep showing up. 

It's amazing, really. 

Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on. 

-Louis L'Amour

You, again.

This weekend I drove from Louisiana to Austin for a girls' weekend with my college friends. It was weird to make the drive all by myself. The first three hours of the drive I plotted the rest of Miraculous Conception. I worked it out scene by scene, even writing some of the dialogue in my head. I often write in my head while driving long distances.

Then I stopped at Chili's for lunch. It was then that I realized I'd forgotten to take a yellow legal pad with me. I survive, in part, because of yellow legal pads. I carry little notebooks in my purse but they're not really helpful for writing out the rest of a novel. I thought about getting out my laptop but I wanted to write with one hand and eat with the other. I was only about halfway through the drive and I didn't want to take a long lunch. I found a piece of cardboard in my car and covered both sides with notes.

This is not the first time I have sat alone in a restaurant writing on trash I found in my car. Once I wrote on a wrapping paper tube I ripped up. This is normal for me. This is what I do. This is who I am. Every time I do it I feel a little crazy. Every time I do it I feel like Me.

So I guess the moral of this story is either:
Keep a yellow legal pad in your car at all times
or it might be
Always keep trash you can scribble on in your car

Pretend

So often this writing stuff just feels Pretend. It exists in solitude. The only thing I have to show for years of work is a huge Word document. On my computer. That I don't show anyone. Quite a bit of the writing only exists in my head. Sometimes when I do try to share it with people I feel crazy because I turn into wild-eyed up all night writing Emily and I get too excited and my voice climbs too loud. I tell near strangers way too much, too fast because they held the key to the introvert door and everything just came tumbling out like an overstuffed closet.

But I actually published a book. And people are actually reading it. That's real and tangible. So for the first time in my life when people ask me what I do I'm calling myself a writer. I've called myself a writer in my head since I was ten but for the first time it feels Real.

Twice in the past month I have listed my occupation as "writer." I listed it on the Parent's Day Out application for Little Guy and I told the student from my college calling asking for money that I was a writer.

It's more than a hobby. I have fans who want another book. That's pretty good motivation.

Bear Feels Scared

Bear Feels Scared is a book Little Guy and I checked out from the library. It's about a bear that gets lost and his animal friends go out to search for him, only to find that he's only ten feet from home. It has great pictures and it rhymes. One day I noticed the dedication.

Once upon a time, a writer felt scared. But standing by the writer's side was a friend who gave the writer courage. The friend's name was Sarah Lanier (who later became Sarah Goodrich). Dear friend, thank you. Write the novel. With love- Karma Wilson

A few weeks ago The Baker's Memory became available for purchase, I set up the Kindle copy, my webstie went live and I set up a Facebook author page all in two and a half hours. I'd been working towards these thing for months. The dominoes just started falling into place. Bam. Bam. Bam. I could finish things. It was thrilling. I felt so accomplished. But then my heart wouldn't slow down. I felt like I'd just blanketed the internet with Emily. I was everywhere, which was terrifying. I felt exposed. Then this bear started to feel big fears.

Then the congratulations started flooding in, the friends who said they'd already ordered a copy, the friends who said they wanted it signed. The friends gave this writer courage. I was able to feel confident in putting myself out there. My friends gave me bear hugs and they calmed my bear fears until this bear felt maybe not safe but brave. Brave enough to keep writing the next novel.

Brave

For the past four years I've participated in National Novel Writing Month. The goal for NaNoWriMo is to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. One year, one of the winners' prizes was a free proof copy of your manuscript. I wanted a proof copy so I had physical evidence of what I'd spent so much time working on. I just wanted for it to sit on my bookshelf so I could admire it. I never even read it all the way through because by the time I was done with it I was too sick of my own words.

Recently I read a friend's self-published novel. It was fun and entertaining and I read it in a couple days. But it wasn't perfect. It wasn't the greatest novel ever written. But it was great. I realized for the first time that nothing I ever wrote would be perfect. I could spent the rest of my life trying to perfect one manuscript or I could work on it until it was good enough and share that.

I read the proof copy of The Baker's Memory that had been sitting on my shelf for two and a half years. It wasn't perfect but it was fun and entertaining. I'm always surprised when my writing hangs together. It's like I think I just throw words on the page waiting to see what sticks. When it works, when it actually makes sense, I'm always surprised. I shouldn't be. It's happened more than once.

My new goal is to be brave enough to share my good-enough work because good-enough is all I'm ever going to have. If I don't share that, I'll never share anything.

Hello, world! Meet The Baker's Memory!